by: Mollie Busino, LCSW
Founder/Director Mindful Power, LLC
Perimenopause can feel like a rollercoaster ride that no one signed up for. One minute, a person might be sweating like they’ve just run a marathon, and the next, they’re freezing as though stranded on an iceberg. And the emotional whiplash? One second, they’re crying over a TV commercial, and the next, they’re ready to throw their phone out the window. If their partner is looking at them like they’ve grown a third eye, they’re not alone. This is the time when open and honest communication becomes essential. Talking about what’s going on, both physically and emotionally, can help a partner understand how to provide the right kind of support. With a little clarity, they can navigate this phase together and come out stronger on the other side.
Here are some ways to prevent your relationship from being negatively impacted by Perimenopause/Menopause:
1. Educate your Partner
One of the best ways to begin the conversation is to educate both yourself and your partner about perimenopause. This phase of life often begins in a person’s late 30s or early 40s and can last several years before menopause. It comes with a range of symptoms, from hot flashes and night sweats to mood swings, anxiety, and fatigue.
You can find resources together—books, articles, or videos—that explain perimenopause. By learning more, your partner will be better equipped to offer the support you need. If you’re comfortable, you can also suggest seeing a healthcare professional together to discuss your symptoms and treatment
2. Share your Feelings
Perimenopause can bring a range of emotions, and it’s important to communicate how you feel. Whether you’re feeling irritable, overwhelmed, anxious, or even lonely, letting your partner know what’s going on emotionally will help them better understand your experiences. Share how certain symptoms impact your mood or behavior and explain that it’s not about them but about the changes your body is undergoing.
Don’t hesitate to express that you need their patience and understanding during times when you may not feel like yourself. For example, you might tell them, “I’ve been feeling more emotional than usual, and I need your support when I’m going through these mood swings.” This helps your partner know how to react in those moments, offering reassurance and emotional space when needed.
3. Share the Impact of the Physical Symptoms
Hot flashes, fatigue, sleep disturbances, and changes in libido are all common issues during this time. When talking to your partner about how these symptoms affect you, be as specific as possible. For example, you might say, “I get so hot at night that I can’t sleep, and it makes me feel frustrated and exhausted the next day.”
Let your partner know how they can help—whether it’s making the bedroom cooler, being understanding if you need to take naps during the day, or even adjusting your shared activities to accommodate your energy levels.
4. Boundary Setting
During perimenopause, your emotional and physical needs might fluctuate from day to day. There may be times when you feel overwhelmed and need space. It’s important to communicate these moments to your partner in a way that doesn’t feel like rejection. For example, you might say, “I need some quiet time to myself tonight to recharge” or “I’m feeling a bit emotional today, and I may need some space.”
Letting your partner know what you need gives them the opportunity to respect your boundaries and give you the space or support you require without feeling hurt or confused.
5. Ask for Practical Support
In addition to emotional and physical support, you might also need help with practical matters. Fatigue can make daily tasks feel more challenging, and mental fog can affect your focus. Don’t hesitate to ask your partner for help with household chores, childcare, or meal prep.
You might say something like, “I’m feeling really drained lately, and it would be a huge relief if you could take care of dinner a couple of nights a week.” Asking for help doesn’t make you weak—it’s actually a sign of being resourceful.
6. Have Ongoing Communication
Perimenopause is not a one-time event but a transition that can last several years. As symptoms evolve, your needs and experiences will change as well. It’s essential to keep the lines of communication open with your partner and regularly check in with each other. This allows for adjustments in how they support you as your journey progresses.
Encourage an ongoing dialogue, whether it’s through informal chats or more serious discussions. You can even create a habit of checking in about how both of you are feeling at the end of each week. Let them know if something is working or if there’s something you need them to change.
7. Be Patient with Each Other
Remember, perimenopause can be as confusing and challenging for your partner as it is for you. They may not always understand what you’re going through or know how to help. It’s important to be patient with them and acknowledge their efforts. Likewise, they may need you to help them understand that some of their reactions may not be helpful at times.
Perimenopause is a time of transition, but it doesn’t have to be one you go through alone. Open, honest communication with your partner about your experiences and how they can support you is key to navigating this phase with love, empathy, and mutual understanding. By educating each other, expressing your needs clearly, and supporting each other through this change, you’ll be better equipped to face perimenopause as a team.
Contact one of our Therapists at Mindful Power that specialize in Perimenopause or Couples Therapy for additional tools and support with navigating Perimenopause and Menopause.
Counseling Hoboken; Mollie Busino, LCSW, Director of Mindful Power. Mollie has had extensive training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Fertility Counseling, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Her work focuses on Anxiety, Depression, Anger Management, Career Changes, OCD, Relationship, Dating Challenges, Insomnia, & Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.
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