By: Saila Javed, LSW
We all have specific roles that we play in our family of origin— that is, the family we grew up in.Are we the caretaker? The troublemaker? The mascot?
When you think about your family or a particular family member, you’ve probably had the notion, “____ always or never does ____”. This is one example of a family role. Family roles shape how we interact with each other in the family system. Our interactions within the family system are shaped by our family roles. These functions occasionally help to establish and keep the family system in equilibrium. Family roles have positive and negative aspects to them. The key is understanding how well these roles work for the family and how they help or hurt family members in their efforts to forge close, meaningful, and secure bonds is crucial.
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Take a look at some of the common family roles listed below and identify which roles you played, as well as those of your other family members.
The Caretaker:
Also known as the enabler or martyr, a caretaker is someone who takes on the responsibilities of others in the family and tries to save members of the family from the consequences they might face. This role can also develop from feelings of anxiety or fear that arise from family dysfunction; instead of sitting with these uncomfortable feelings, a child adapts, and takes on this caretaker role by trying to fix these problems to make themselves feel better.
The Golden Child:
This child is the favorite, the one who does everything right, achieves good grades and can do no wrong, the perfect child. All other children in the family exist in comparison with this child.The golden child allows the family to ignore any problems beneath the surface because of his orher accomplishments and success. This child is proof that the family has done something right, even when there’s been dysfunction present.
The Black Sheep/Scapegoat:
Often known as the troublemaker in the family. As opposed to the golden child, this is the child upon whom all the blame falls for the problems within the family. The family might see theBlack Sheep as angry, antagonistic and rebellious. The Black Sheep can also be the person whothe family views as needing the most improvement, who they want to “help,” but don’t knowhow. The Black Sheep also has a tendency towards self-destructive behavior.
The Lost Child:
The Lost Child is invisible. They’re quiet, submissive, compliant, and spend a lot of time alone.They stay away from the family drama, so they seem like the “good” or “easy” kid. Sometimes this is a natural consequence of having a sibling who might play the role of being the golden child or the black sheep, or even the byproduct of being in a large family. They learn to take care of themselves, not to need or want anything, and may have trouble later in life asking for or receiving support or care from others.
The Mascot/Clown:
The mascot is the family member who lightens up the mood when things are getting tense or family problems are rising to the surface. They’re the funny ones who make jokes that facilitate denial or minimization of the real problems.
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