By Laura Joyce
As parents, hearing your child is labeled as “shy” might immediately strike up the protection barrier in which you have the need to alter your child’s personality. However, there are ways to explore why your child might be shy, understand their persona, and help them embrace the personality they have.
Why is my child shy?
Ask yourself, when did you first notice your child was displaying characteristics of being shy? Was it as a toddler? Did the “stranger danger”phase stick around for longer than anticipated? Did you notice this personality trait after a life event or transition? The beginning of school possibly or maybe a move to a new town? Dive into these factors and start to piece together if shyness is a result of nature versus nurture.
After answering these questions – if you find that the shyness developed as a result of a negative experience rather than their natural temperament, it is could be helpful to explore further by:
- Talking with your child about their feelings as to why they might be “shy”while making sure to emphasize they are not doing something “wrong” but you are just curious.
- Be sure to not label your child. Labeling often pressures a child to be a certain way
or limits their confidence. - Provide “safe” opportunities for your child to build their comfort level socially such as smaller playdates in their own home
- Be aware of your OWN feelings and thoughts. Often a parent might feel uncomfortable or pressured when their child is demonstrating shyness. Therefore, it is important to identify and address your own emotions so that they do not impact how you respond to your child.
Seeing your child experience shyness can often create anxiety, discomfort, and confusion as a parent. However, just taking a little time to explore the behavior while being patient and supportive of your child will often bring slow but positive shifts.
Counseling Hoboken; Mollie Busino, LCSW, Director of Mindful Power. Mollie has had extensive training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Fertility Counseling, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Her work focuses on Anxiety, Depression, Anger Management, Career Changes, OCD, Relationship, Dating Challenges, Insomnia, & Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.