By Madeleine Archambault (LAC)
If you love someone with OCD symptoms, it can be challenging for the both of you. Here is a brief overview of what your loved one is experiencing, as well as ways that you can navigate it together.
What is OCD?
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a mental health condition characterized by ruminating thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors (compulsions) used to temporarily reduce distress.
People with OCD often have brain centers that make it difficult to disrupt rumination; like having softer brakes on a car.
How it may show up in your relationship
When someone you love has OCD, it can affect the relationship in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. You may notice that:
- They ask the same questions repeatedly or seek reassurance from you often
- They become distressed if routines or rituals are disrupted
- They avoid certain people, places or things
- They spend a lot of time “in their head”
- They may collect things or have difficulty throwing things out
While these behaviors can feel draining, repetitive, or even frustrating to witness, it’s important to remember that OCD is not a choice. Your loved one doesn’t want to be doing these things either, but their nervous system is signaling danger, and compulsions are the only way they’ve learned to calm that alarm—at least for now.
What to do vs. What not to do
✅ Do:
- Learn about OCD. Understanding the condition can help you respond with empathy rather than frustration.
- Encourage evidence-based treatment. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy is considered the gold standard. You can support your loved one by gently encouraging them to stay consistent with therapy and celebrate small wins.
- Set healthy boundaries. Supporting your loved one doesn’t mean enabling compulsions. It’s okay (and often necessary) to lovingly set limits on providing reassurance or participating in rituals.
- Access compassion. Your calm presence can be grounding, especially when your loved one feels overwhelmed by anxiety or doubt.
❌ Don’t:
- Give reassurance. While it may soothe your loved one in the short term, reassurance often strengthens OCD in the long run by feeding the compulsive cycle.
- Take it personally. Your partner or loved one’s anxiety isn’t about you. If they seem stuck, distracted, or irritable, it’s likely because they’re caught in a loop—not because they don’t care.
- Try to “logic” them out of it. OCD doesn’t respond well to rational arguments. Instead, acknowledge their distress without trying to fix or solve it.
- Have unrealistic expectations. OCD is not something that can currently be cured; it is something that is managedthrough therapy and medication. It also flares up in times of stress; it is important to understand this is just a natural ebb & flow.
Final Thoughts
Loving someone with OCD requires a mix of compassion, patience, and boundaries. With support, treatment, and understanding, your loved one can learn to manage OCD—and your relationship can thrive alongside that healing.
If you or your partner are struggling, consider reaching out to a therapist who specializes in OCD. You don’t have to go through this alone.
Counseling Hoboken; Mollie Busino, LCSW, Director of Mindful Power. Mollie has had extensive training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Fertility Counseling, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Her work focuses on Anxiety, Depression, Anger Management, Career Changes, OCD, Relationship, Dating Challenges, Insomnia, & Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.
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