Maddy Archambault, LAC
Anger, in my opinion, is in desperate need of a “rebrand.”
I hear so many of my clients hold varying degrees of the belief that Anger Is Bad. It may not be that explicitly stated, but it shows up in different corners of their language:
“I told my coworker to stop talking to me like that, but then I felt hot shame like I did something wrong.”
“I feel mad at my partner, but I worry that this makes me a terrible person.”
“I yelled at my child, and now I’m disgusted with myself.”
“I feel like I don’t have a right to be angry.”
As a result of this belief, their anger is disowned. They do not allow themselves to express it, as doing so feels like a moral crisis.
However, anger is a very important part of our emotional ecosystem. When we suppress, avoid, minimize or discredit our anger, it does not resolve the feeling — in fact, it just festers and then shows up later as symptoms in our bodies, minds, and relationships.
The function of anger
Anger is a natural, human nervous system response to perceived wrongs, injustices, and threats. It signals to us that something is not right and needs to be addressed. Historically, anger has fueled movements for civil rights, social justice, and personal boundaries. When harnessed effectively, it can:
1. Protect Personal Boundaries: Anger alerts us when our boundaries are being violated, urging us to take action to protect ourselves.
2. Motivate Change: It can inspire action against injustices, whether they are personal or societal.
3. Promote Self-Awareness: Understanding the root of our anger triggers can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth.
The Costs of Suppressing Anger
Suppressing anger can have significant negative impacts on both mental and physical health:
1. Mental Health Issues: Repressed anger can lead to anxiety, depression, and increased stress.
2. Physical Health Problems: Chronic anger suppression is linked to health issues such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and weakened immune function.
3. Strained Relationships: Unexpressed anger can build resentment and distance in relationships, leading to communication breakdowns and conflicts. After all, we are not truly able to experience intimacy if there are parts of our emotional inner world that are going unexpressed.
Healthy Ways to Express Anger
Expressing anger in healthy ways is not just possible, but crucial for a well-balanced life. Here are some effective methods:
1. Mindful Expression: Take a moment to breathe before expressing your anger. This helps you articulate your feelings while remaining in control. Regulating is different from emotional bypassing!
2. Assertive Communication: Use “I” statements to express how you feel and what you need. For example, “I feel upset when you ignore my messages because it makes me feel undervalued.”
3. Physical Activity: Engage in activities like running, boxing, shaking or yoga to release pent-up energy and stress hormones.
4. Creative Outlets: Channel your anger into creative activities like writing, painting, or music.
5. Seek Professional Help: If anger feels overwhelming, talking to a therapist can help you explore underlying issues and develop coping strategies.
Unhealthy methods, on the other hand, are any that cause moreharm. Such as: name calling, violence, cursing (harm to another); reckless substance use (harm to self); breaking things, damaging property (harm to environment).
Opening up the lens to new perspectives
Although our Western, American culture often disavows anger, Indigenous cultures differ. For many indigenous peoples, anger is seen not just as an emotion but as a spiritual force that can be harnessed for healing.
1. Indigenous Perspectives: Many Native American tribes view anger as a sacred fire. It’s acknowledged and respected, but also carefully managed. Ceremonies and rituals are often used to process and release anger in a way that restores balance and harmony within the community.
2. Buddhist Views: In Buddhism, anger is understood as a natural emotion that can be transformed into wisdom. Practices like mindfulness and meditation are used to observe anger without judgment and let it dissipate.
3. Hindu Teachings: Hinduism teaches that anger, like all emotions, can be both destructive and constructive. The Bhagavad Gita advises using anger for righteous action (dharma) while avoiding harm to others.
Anger, when understood and expressed healthily, is a sacred and useful emotion. It can protect us, motivate change, and get our needs met more quickly. By embracing anger and learning how to express it constructively, we can harness its power for personal growth and even societal transformation.
Counseling Hoboken; Mollie Busino, LCSW, Director of Mindful Power. Mollie has had extensive training in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Fertility Counseling, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Her work focuses on Anxiety, Depression, Anger Management, Career Changes, OCD, Relationship, Dating Challenges, Insomnia, & Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.
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